What type of virus do you have or never want…

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Politician virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".